What lifestyle changes have you made?

What is really being asked relates to a discrete list of particular lifestyle choices. Let's see if I can get all of them.

• Alcohol: I am not inclined to become drunk. I do enough regrettable things when my decision-making ability is not impaired. Beyond that, I do not strictly avoid alcoholic beverages.
• Coffee: It's important to listen to your body. If my body says I need sleep then I should honor its needs. Beyond that, I do not strictly avoid coffee.
• Tea: I do not strictly avoid tea.
• Tobacco: I do strictly avoid tobacco products because its negative health effects are well established.
• Recreational Drugs, esp. Marijuana: I do strictly avoid all recreational drugs for the sake of avoiding impairment.
• Pornography: I believe what I teach my children: sexual arousal is as natural as eating and is not something to be afraid of. It is, however, something to treat responsibly. Inasmuch as eating can become an unhealthy activity in our lives, so can sexual arousal. My understanding of what makes sexual experiences unhealthy is far more nuanced and complex than what was afforded to me by the church.
• Profanity: It behooves me to think before I speak and to restrain my vulgar words as much as my vulgar actions. I may swear on occasion but hold myself to this standard: it should be a) deliberate and b) rhetorical (intentionally used for effect)
• Dress and Grooming: The color, length, and style of my hair, any tattoos, and body piercings communicate a message about who I am. I do not strictly avoid these techniques of styling my appearance. But, I am mindful of how I am presenting myself to the world around me.

Do you know what you're walking away from?

This is one of the more common questions I've been asked. It goes,

“What if you're wrong? What if the church is true? What if there  is a judgment day? What if there is a celestial kingdom and you don't get to go there with all your family? Do you understand what all you're walking away from?

“Also, you will not be able to baptize, confirm, or ordain your children or attend their endowment or wedding/sealing. You may lose the influence of the Holy Ghost on your current path or not be worthy of the priesthood. There are so many lost opportunities and what great sadness it will bring to your family!

“Also, if you throw all that away, what is the purpose in living? I cannot imagine not believing in life after death. How dismal life would be without the light of the gospel!”

From within the church we can't imagine living without the light of the restored gospel. The gospel provides purpose and it can be comprehensively fulfilling to progress along the covenant path toward “eternal life with our family gathered about us in the presence of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ”. It seems that life outside the church would be dark, empty, lonely, sad, meaningless, and unfulfilling. As a member looking outward (outside the church), this is how I envisioned living without the fullness of the gospel truth.

I did experience an uncomfortable period of emptiness, loneliness, and meaninglessness as I created some mental and emotional space for myself. But, it was a transient experience. I am happy that I have come to where I am and do not regret creating the distance. 

I'll also address some specific topics:

Ordinances : I accept that I will not be allowed to participate in ordinances including temple sealings, endowments, baptisms, priesthood ordinations, etc. But, that does not mean that I cannot support my family in the exercise of their faith. I will support my children, nieces, nephews, and grandchildren in other important ways, the least of which is praising and appreciating their righteous efforts.
Purpose : Eternalism conveniently provides a purpose to live that is clear and simple. Outside of the church, life-purpose does become more “fuzzy”. For me, at least, a degree of soul-searching was in order to reimagine my life purpose.
I found that living with or without purpose is a choice. Trying to live without purpose, nihilistically, is an unstable path and leads to anguish and depression. I choose to live my life on purpose and with purpose. I ascribe to “ enjoyable usefulness “ : I do what is enjoyable and I do what is useful; Ideally, I do what is simultaneously useful and enjoyable. In that, we are not so different. After all, “Men are, that they might have joy” (Nephi 2:25)

Eternal Salvation and Eternal Life : While members may carry a persistent awareness of their standing on the eternal ledger, I do not. I do not worry from day to day or from one moment to another about my eternal fate. I am content to enjoy the present moment. I know that you care about my spiritual wellbeing and where I go after I die. I encourage you to trust in the Lord. Surely, in his greater love, compassion, and generosity he will find a way to judge and sort us all out in eternity.
Holy Ghost : We are taught that we must be worthy of The Spirit lest we drive it away or numb ourselves to feeling the influence of the Holy Ghost. It pains you to think that I would lose the influence of the Holy Ghost. As improbable as it may seem to you, I still feel the “constant companionship” of what I have always known to be the Holy Ghost. I guess I haven't offended him enough for him to leave me yet!
Peace and Restoration of the Soul : For the myriad hardships a believer experiences in life, Jesus is there as the Balm of Gilead to heal and restore. You can't imagine a life without that redeeming grace. But, I have learned to find healing in my soul without the church. I prioritize my mental and emotional wellbeing. I find healing through reading, writing, genuine conversation, meditation, recreation, diet, physical hygiene, sleep hygiene, and other self-care.
Morality : How can one be a good person or raise children to be good people without the morals God has provided? Well, honestly isn't it frightening to think that your religion is the only thing standing between you and a thousand terrible, grotesque deeds? I don't think that's at all realistic. There is more to morality than avoiding Satan's fiery hell. 
Family : It is devastating to think of loved ones not being in heaven with us. This is the “ sad heaven doctrine “. President Eyring shared the following on that topic, “You are worrying about the wrong problem. You just live worthy of the celestial kingdom, and the family arrangements will be more wonderful than you can imagine.” ( Eyring, 2016 ) As for the pain and sadness that my choices bring my family in  this life , I encourage you to accept that I'm not “coming back” and then move forward. I have been deeply saddened in my life by the inactivity of others. If they ever did come back it was not on account of any of my wallowing. 

Have you gained anything by leaving the church?

Separation from the church was far more about intellectual and emotional freedom than it was about lifestyle freedom. 

Like other members, I felt anxious about information that threatened or contradicted my Mormon beliefs or that cast doubt on the credibility of the church. Today, I am more open-minded to new information that might lead to new perspectives. A lot of the shame I once felt is replaced with self-compassion, awareness, and responsibility which has afforded me a more enduring peace than anything I had experienced from the Holy Ghost.

Also, I pick my friends instead of having them assigned to me. I have more money and time to give directly to those in need instead of consigning that privilege and opportunity to the church. Date night does not take place at the temple but somewhere more enjoyable. Sundays are more fulfilling. Meditation is more fulfilling than prayer. Life, in general, is more fulfilling because I view each day as an opportunity to have happiness now – rather than to earn happiness in the next life (which may or may not arrive). I spend less time wondering if I'm on God's path and more time defining my path.